Monday, 4 April 2016

My Top 5 Impractical Jokers Punishments

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS SCENES OF GRAPHIC STUPIDITY AMONG FOUR LIFELONG FRIENDS WHO COMPETE TO EMBARRASS EACH OTHER.

AND SOME BAD LANGUAGE.

If you know me then you should know by now that I love Impractical Jokers.

Last week Comedy Central showed the Fan's Top 10 Impractical Jokers Moments which has inspired me to write this post of my top 5 Impractical Jokers Punishments.

Now, if you watch the show you will know all about the punishments, for those of you who don't here how the show works:
The Tenderloins are the cast of Impractical Jokers, Sal Vulcano, Brian Quinn, Joe Gatto & James Murray who have been best friends for over 20 years and spend every moment together trying to embarrass each other by setting challenges for each other on a hidden camera show on unsuspecting  members of the public. The goal is to get a thumbs up on each challenge to win, the joker with the least amount of thumbs up get a punishment from the other jokers.
Fun, right?

 So this has taken me a lot of time to think about, I love every episode of this show, it's always on in my home, I love the podcasts the guys put out and I was lucky enough to bag a front row, VIP, meet & greet ticket to see them in January next year on their 'Santiago Sent Us' tour, I cannot wait! So these guys are very very funny to watch.

So lets get into it! 

5. Murr, A Nude Model?
At my number 5 is Murr's punishment. Murr is waiting to go into his punishment only in a robe. Joe, Q and Sal reveal to him that Murr is going to be a nude model in an art class for people to draw him.
He steps into the room and onto a platform, takes off his robe and stands there, hands covering his modesty. As if that isn't embarrassing enough, the remaining Jokers tell Murr (in his earpiece) that they are going to give him a series of poses to do while the artists in the room draw him.
Q is first up and tell Murr to give the room a Heisman trophy pose, cue the laughter from the other Jokers and a couple of the unsuspecting artists in the room.
Next up is Joe who tells Murr to do a ballerina pose, Murr complies, squats and raises a hand over his head, his other hand still covering his junk.
Sal then tells Murr he wants the Micheal Jackson "Hoooo" pose, so Murr quickly pulls a Micheal Jackson pose, cue more laughter.
The artists are really getting into drawing Murr and Sal says "Give me an Egyptian, go!" so Murr gives them an Egyptian walk pose.
The scene cuts back to Joe, Sal and Q, Sal pulls the lead out of the microphone to tell the camera that what Murr and the artists in the room don't know is that the platform he is standing on actually rotates, Q flips the switch and the platform (To Murr's horror) begins to slowly rotate exposing him to the whole room. The guys are howling with laughter which causes Murr to lose it and start silently laughing as he rotates. 
Joe then decides that he wants to get Murr's hands off his private area to expose his meat and two veg to the room.
"Okay, we're on the rollercoaster Murr, going up" Joe says as him and the guys mimic holding the bars on a rollercoaster, and Murr realises what is going to happen next, "Going over the hill, let go!" Joe says and they throw their arms in the air, so Murr releases his genitals and throws his hands up in the air fully showing his naked body to the room. 
The guys are in fits of laughter, so much to the point where Q announces that he is going to throw up, Joe hands him a bucket which he throws up in. Murr grabs his robe and leaves the room.
"Oh man, I laughed so hard I puked, I puked into a bucket" Q says, drying his eyes.
video

4. Sal's Haunted Corn Maze.
Number 4 on my list is Sal's Haunted Corn Maze. If you watch the show, you will know that Sal is very easily scared and when he gets scared it's the funniest thing in the world.
The Jokers have set up a corn maze for Sal to make his way through, a Go Pro camera attached to his chest to capture his reaction. He has to walk through this corn field by grabbing on to the rope in front of him to follow his way to the end of the maze.
Already Sal is starting to freak out about going into the corn field. telling the guys "If something comes towards me I will punch it in the face!" 
He starts making his way through the high corn shouting that if there are any monsters in there he will punch them. 
He gets halfway through the maze and stops dead, hand goes up to his mouth and he shouts "OH. MY. GOD!" 
Standing 10 feet away from him is a little girl in a blue dress, to which Sal shouts " There's a little girl staring at me!" you can see that he is visibly terrified. Joe asks him "What little girl? she shouldn't be in there" "Well she's there!" Sal screams, the guys break down laughing and Sal screams "YOU LIED! THIS IS A HAUNTED MAZE!"
The girl points the way through the next part of the maze and Sal is screaming into the camera.
"Little girl, I will not hesitate to punch you!"
Sal begins to run past the little girl, screaming and shouting, once clear of the girl he tells her "That's really weird, you should be with an adult" 
Sal tells the camera that he thinks he is going to look so stupid in this Go Pro camera, with his face wobbling about in the lens when someone blows a air horn behind him, causing him to scream and fall on his face.
Q asks Sal if he can see any birds in the maze, when Sal replies no, Q says that there must be something on that maze keeping the birds away.
Sal comes across a scarecrow and again is terrified, refusing to walk past it. 
"This is where it goes down man, I will take a swing at you!" Sal threatens and slowly walks past the scarecrow, who jumps down off his platform, Sal screams "Ahhh! You fucking son of a bitch!" 
The guys are in bits at Sal back at the beginning of the maze.
Sal starts waving his hand in front of his face and heaving "What is that smell?" he comes to a steaming pile of poo that he HAS to walk through to get to the end. 
Again, if you watch the show most of Sal's punishments involve him either picking up or rifling through poo. "Enough!" he yells at the camera, before stumbling as fast as he can through the pile of poop. "Oh god, I'm sinking in the shit!" He screams.
Sal comes to what he thinks is the end of the maze where he spots a sign planted in the ground saying "Good Luck Getting Out" and the rope Sal has been holding onto disappears out of his hands and Sal starts shouting "No no no no!!" 
"I think I'm just gonna have to run in one direction out of this maze"
Murr pipes up on the microphone "Well if you want to run we have something that will make you run" he says.
Sal is terrified of cats, and constantly through the show the guys taunt him with a 6 foot black cat called Benjamin, based on Q's cat, who just chases Sal around.
The huge ears of corn separate to reveal Benjamin Cat, Sal screams and starts running for his life, Benjamin Cat in tow.
video

3. Skydiving Is For Losers.
Another Murr punishment, but one of the very best. At the end of this episode both Joe and Murr have the most losses and the scene cuts to the for Jokers standing outside of a skydiving school. Murr tells the camera that today, the four of them are going to be teaching people how to skydive. Enter the well known saying on the show when there is a flip around: "Weeeeeeeeeell!"
"Maybe we're not Murr, maybe it's your punishment" announces Joe, to which Murr loses all the colour in his face and starts screaming "No!" 
You see Murr start to run away and take off his skydiving jumpsuit, telling the guys he's not going to do it, as it's his biggest fear.
The guys approach Murr and tell him that it's punishment and the rule is, if one of them say no to a punishment then they're off the show.
Murr very reluctantly steps onto the plane and is suited up and strapped to the professional skydiver, the other Jokers sat along side him. The plane keeps getting higher and higher and Murr is clearly panicked, so much to the point where he starts to cry out of sheer fear.
The skydiver pushes Murr towards the door of the plane so he is leaning out looking down at the view, Q, Sal and Joe then shout "Geronimooooooo!" and Murr is sent flying out of the plane, screaming for his life. 
His parachute is deployed and he's screaming at the skydiver on his back asking him not to drop him, they land safely on the floor and Murr collapses on the ground.
The scene cuts to the guys getting out of the plane and Q is first to get out, Murr is stood in front of his fists up telling him that they're each getting a punch.
Q distracts him and runs full force out of the plane with Murr chasing him.
video

2. Q Experiences The Joys Of Pregnancy.
This would have been my number one, but it just missed the top spot by an inch.
It's Q turn to be punished in this episode, which doesn't happen a lot.
Murr tells Q that he will be teaching a Lamaze class to a room full of pregnant women, to which Q looks very uncomfortable at and says "Wait, none of these kids are mine are they?" Sal and Murr start shouting "You're getting a kid and you're getting a kid and you're getting a kid!" 
The scene cuts to Q entering a room full of pregnant women who stare blankly at him as he asks "Is there any accidents here or are they all planned?"
He goes over to his notepad and flips over the page to show 'Breathing Techniques'
"Okay, my name is Brian Quinn, I'm a breathing expert and I learned that in India." he then tells the room that you can't walk two feet in India without someone grabbing you and telling you to "Relax mon" in what is meant to be an Indian accent but comes out Jamaican.
The room of women shake their heads in disbelief.
Q flips to the next page on his notepad that reads: 'Relaxing through labour (demonstration)'
"Wait, what?" he exclaims.
Murr tells him he is going to demonstrate how to relax through labour and tells him to call Stephanie.
A nurse comes through the door wheeling in a table.
"This is your real punishment" says Murr, "This device simulates the pain of childbirth" Q looks straight at the camera in confusion and the guys burst out laughing.
Stephanie tells Q that she is going to place the pads onto his abdomen and that it is going to contract his muscles, like he's going into labour.
The pads are on Q's abdomen and Stephanie tells him that there are 8 levels of intensity and she was going to start off with level 1 and it's as if his water just broke.
The device beeps and Q jumps in pain, scrunching his hands up.
"The key is to remain calm" says Q, "Don't tell somebody go fuck yourself" he says through gritted teeth as his muscles contract again, the mothers to be in the room are shocked and some start laughing.
The guys start screeching with laughter.
Q leans on the table in pain "So that's what contractions feel like huh?"
"Alright, so now we're going to go up to level 2, okay?" Stephanie tells him, she presses the button on the device again as Q is telling the room of women that the pain is bearable, obviously.
"I can do, because I'm fucking doing it" He grunts, throwing a book off the table to lean on it. His whole body now is contracting in pain and he turns to the women and asks: "Seriously, how do you girls do this?"
Q suddenly screams out "WHAT LEVEL IS THIS? WHAT LEVEL IS THIS?!"
"This is 8" Stephanie says, trying to hold back her laughter, this device is now full on giving Q the sensation that he is birthing a human being.
"8?! THIS IS 8?!" Yells Q
He collapses the table in agony as Stephanie keeps pressing the device's button causing Q to shout out "OH MY GOD!"
He grabs a nearby room divider and start putting his fist through it to the point where he is in that much pain, he is literally ripping this wall divider to bits with his bare hands.
"Cut the fucking baby out" He growls, the button still being pressed "GET THIS DEMON BABY OUTTA ME!" He screams again, Joe, Sal and Murr are beside themselves with laughter, Sal starts slapping Joe's arm he's laughing that much.
"ARGHH REMEMBER TO BREATHE! ARGH! ARGH!" Q collapses on the floor, and grabs Stephanie's ankle "Oh my god, I'm begging you! What is wrong with you?" He shouts at Stephanie, who finally stops pressing the button.
"Alright, you've just had your baby" Stephanie tells him, how she kept a straight face through the whole thing, I don't know. Most of the expectant mothers are crying with laughter by now.
"And now comes the hard part. What to name the baby" Q says.
video

1. Ribbon Dancing For The Gold.
So, my number one Impractical Jokers punishment goes to the ever funny Joe Gatto.
This punishment had me laughing so hard it had me running for the toilet and the tears were streaming down my face.
So, Joe loses this episode and the scene cuts to Murr, Q, Sal and Joe standing in a gymnasium.
"One thing Joe is, is a loser" Sal says
"One thing he is not is flexible, strong, agile, nimble, athletic"
"I get it, I get it" Joe cuts in.
"Definitely not a gymnast" Sal says,
"Today, you're gonna be playing one on TV" Murr interjects
"We're gonna throw you into the mix, with a bunch of actual gymnasts my friend" says Q "And you have to show them how to do it better"
"How to do what better?" Joe asks
the three turn to the camera and say together "Everything!"
Joe starts nodding and says "What's our insurance plan, cause I'm gonna get fucked up!"
The scene cuts to all these professional gymnasts back flipping, gamboling and just generally being flexible.
Out steps Joe in a very tight leotard, his belly sticking out like a sore thumb.
"It looks like you have medicine ball inside your shirt" Sal exclaims as the others laugh.
A girl starts backflipping down the practice mat, "Joe, the little girl?" Sal says
"You can do better!" All three Jokers say at the same time.
Joe walks up to her shaking his head, "I know you're young, but I can do better" He tells the little girl "So when you see the good stuff, I want you to take it in" The girl looks at Joe bemused.
Joe puts his arms up in the air, runs and flings himself forwards, rolling in the air and landing on his side. The guys start laughing as Joe gets up and perfects his gymnast stance.
"Even if you fall you want to use the momentum to keep going" He tells the girl who looks at Joe as if he's dropped off a Christmas Tree!
"We came up with a punishment that may kill Joe Gatto" Murr says as Joe clutches his heart, already out of breath.
"So I'm gonna send you over to the vault" Says Q, the vault is like a platform to run at and vault yourself over into a pit of Styrofoam shapes.
"You can do better than them"
Joe leans into a teenage boys and says "I saw what you did last time, I'm gonna show you a different way to stick the landing"
"Oh, okay" Says the teenage boy, laughing.
"I can do it better" Joe announces.
The Jokers start clapping their hands "Here we go, here we go!"
"Oh shit" Joe says, before running full pelt at the vault, he throws himself at the vault, up and over, dropping into the foam pit below and completely disappears out of sight.
Sal and Murr totally lose it at this point and start actually screaming with laughter, collapsing on top of each other, if you don't already know, when Sal laughs too hard his knees buckle and he drops to the floor, usually taking one of the Jokers with him, this time its Murr.
Joe is struggling to get out of the pit, but he has fell so far down in to it he gets stuck. His legs and arms are thrashing out, sending Styrofoam shapes flying everywhere.
"HE'S STUCK! HE'S STUCK!" Murr shrieks, with Sal on top of him, apparently dying with laughter.
Q is stood there silently laughing, clapping his hands like a seal. While the other two are rolling around on the floor.
"I can't get out" Joe says
"You two idiots!" Q says to Murr and Sal, "Would you two idiots get up? You're missing everything, the guy can't even get out of the pit!"
Joe resurfaces and holds his hand out for someone to come and help him out of the pit and the little girl from the start tries to help him out of the pit, pulling his arm, "Look! He's asking a little girl for help!" Q shouts, the little girl quickly gives in and leaves Joe there, struggling "Look, she's abandoning him!"
Two boys come over and grabs both of Joe's hands and start to pull him out of the pit, "You guys, I showed you how to do it better" Joe says as he is pulled free from the pit, his trousers coming down as he is dragged across the training mat and Sal falls to the ground in laughter once more.
"You may be getting revenge on this bro, because you almost killed Sal and Murr" Q tells Joe as Sal starts to cough.
"Get on the floor right now and show them your routine you've been practicing for Nationals" Sal tells Joe, who looks perplexed as he must have thought it was over by now.
"Er, excuse me everybody!" Joe shouts " I'm gonna need everybody to clear the floor real quick, I gotta practice my routine for Nationals"
"And cue the music!" Murr shouts.
The music starts and Joe starts flailing his arms about, scissor kicking mid air, rolling around on the floor and attempts some kind of dance move. The guys again are bedside themselves with laughter, watching Joe flop around the floor.
"Ribbons! Grab the ribbons!" Q shouts, and Joe picks up two sticks with ribbons on them and starts waving them around, over his head and around his body.
The room of gymnasts goes crazy and they all start cheering and clapping Joe as he runs around wiggling these ribbons. Joe ends his routine by rolling across the floor, evidently exhausted.
"I'm in!" Q says "You won me over, you won me over baby!" the guys are clapping Joe.
video
 
So there are my top 5 Impractical Jokers Punishments! I hope you enjoyed reading this and the videos included, and I hope all those of you reading this, who haven't seen Impractical Jokers yet, go watch it! New episodes are on every Monday at 10pm on Comedy Central and repeats of the show are played throughout the day on Comedy Central and Comedy Central Extra, it's always on!
Until next time!


Sunday, 3 April 2016

That Lame Company | Deskpad Review

I've very recently taken pride in keeping my desk really neat and tidy and filling it with pretty things.
The one thing I never had and really do need as I am the least organised person on this planet, is a to-do deskpad.

A few weeks ago I received an email from That Lame Company saying that they were going to send me a deskpad* after I applied on The Bloggers Hangout website for one of their really pretty deskpads.
So, fast forward about a week later and in my letterbox was a lovely little parcel addressed to me.
I opened it up and it was so beautifully wrapped I almost didn't want to rip the paper to open it!

So inside my little parcel was one of their A5 Weekly Calendar Deskpads and also a set of their 
Insulting Incentives A6 Art Prints which I was over the moon about:

How pretty?!

The Deskpad: 

This has to be the most prettiest deskpad I have ever seen, which makes writing down things to do a joy. The quality of the paper is excellent, you have a space to enter the date, month and year and then 7 boxes below with names of the days and enough space to write down your things to do for the week.
I never usually note things down I just expect my brain to remember and 9 times out 10 the second I try to remember something, my mind goes blank.
So I am really thankful I have something on my desk now to remind me of things I have to do.

The Insulting Incentives A6 Art Prints:



These art prints are pretty much the funniest and cutest things I have ever seen. I feel like at least three of these cards I can relate to.
                                      Especially the 'Oh bollocks, you're asleep again!'  - totally me.
These can be either given as gifts, put into photo frames and displayed, I have chosen to stick them to my wall above my desk so I have something to smile at when I look at them.



So my lovely desk is all organised, my tasks for the week are organised now I have a deskpad and there are some really funny art cards above my desk.


Thank you to That Lame Company for sending me these beautiful gifts, I absolutely love them.
Please go and check out their website, they have a range of really pretty stationary that if I had the money, I would buy all of it! You can visit the website at www.thatlamecompany.co.uk

(* indicates that products were kindly gifted to me for review purposes.)
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