Its time for a more serious post, that I have thought about writing for a long and I think I should get it out in the open.
I suffer with anxiety issues.
To meet me in person, I seem happy, cheerful and positive.
But its what I'm thinking inside my head.
I constantly worry about what people think about me, if they like me, if I'm doing something right, am I doing something wrong? I always put myself down.
For example, take my new photography page that I have started on Facebook.
I have loved photography for a long time now and for over a year now, I have wanted to put my photos up somewhere where people could view them.
But a thought that kept on niggling at me was "Well, I'm not professional, there aren't enough photos to make me seem that I'm good at this, there are better photographers than me out there"
It wasn't until I spoke to my best friend Rachel about this and how I was feeling and she said something that hit the nail on the head for me:
"Just go for it. What do you have to lose?"
My answer was nothing, so I just decided to go for it and open the page here.
It's not just the photography thing that I worry about.
Over the past ten years I have had quite a few negative experiences that have severely knocked my confidence one of the biggest was with an ex boyfriend of mine, who abused my trust, my feelings and utterly betrayed me.
I would get to a point where I would completely blame myself for his actions, which I realise now was the wrong thing to do, because it wasn't my fault for the way he acted.
That relationship affected me mentally, I couldn't trust anybody, I couldn't be near or intimate with other men, I found myself wishing to be with someone because I was so afraid of being alone.
The first weekend in February 2008 I was single, my other best friend Jodie was there for me in an instant and she took me out, we went shopping, I got a new tattoo, we went to a party together and then went clubbing till the early hours of the morning.
In fact, she and my other friends and my family, kept me so busy for a good couple of weeks, that I had no time to 'grieve' over the relationship that had just ended. And by the time all the fun and outings were over, I didn't feel so upset and alone. Because I wasn't alone. I had these great friends who were looking out for me, helping me deal with the break-up, there were so many family get together's that I just had no time at all to think about it.
I am so grateful for all my family and friends being there for me at the that hard time.
There have been other things that have shook my confidence over the years including job losses, friendships ending, I have sometimes been taken for an idiot and used by other people and sometimes I can't bring myself to stand up for myself and tell them to fluff off.
I worry about the size of my body, because I'm a larger girl and you have the media shoving smaller sized girls in your face. Nobody should have to feel bad about how they look. Big or small, large or skinny we are all beautiful.
What I'm trying to say in this post is that anxiety can be overcome. Slowly and surely you can make yourself feel better about yourself and the situations you encounter in life.
Here's a few tips I found useful in overcoming negative situations and anxiety:
1. Talk to someone about how you feel. If you don't it can build up inside and cause more problems.
2. Take time out for yourself. Its awful when your head is swimming with anxieties and problems. Whatever you're panicking or worrying about, make sure you are able calm yourself. This may be a walk around the block, make yourself a cup of tea or taking a bubble bath and try to relax.
3. Think about what the worst end result. Whether you're panicking about something at work, at home, taking an exam, making a call that could go wrong, chances are that you will make it through. If you don't calm yourself this could lead to a panic attack, which believe me, is not a nice feeling. Try and take some deep slow breaths to calm yourself.
4. Face your fear. Whether its picking up a spider or going into a lift for the first time or simply standing up for yourself and telling someone what you really think. Feel your fear and it will eventually start to ease away.
5. Face reality. Your fears tend to be much worse than reality. In 2012 myself and my fiancé were involved in a car accident and for years and still now, I'm quite anxious about getting into cars. But the chances of us having a crash again are very low. I still sometimes have the fear come back when I see a car pull out from nowhere, but I think to myself that the chances of it happening again are low and the fear goes away.
6. Go to a happy place. I know this sounds silly, but creating your own happy place can help with your anxieties a lot. Try visualising a stroll along a peaceful beach, lying in bed cuddling up next to your partner or a childhood memory that makes you happy. Let the positive vibes from your happy place soothe and relax you.
7. Treat yourself. When you feel you have got over your fear, whether its making that phonecall, going to that interview, taking that exam, or you've simply stepped into that dreaded lift, treat yourself with a small gift. This can be anything, a bar of chocolate, a nice meal, new make-up, new shoes, a DVD, an album, buy yourself something that makes you happy and that treat is for your success!
I hope these tips are of some use to people who are reading this and are suffering like I do.
Its great to think positive thoughts, they make you happy, make you smile, make you feel so much better about yourself and your life.
I will now post up a few of my favourite positive quotes:
My all time favourite quote which always cheers me up is from Roald Dahl:
How wonderful is this?
I am slowly dealing with my anxieties and hopefully soon I will be rid of them.
I could just take my mum's sound advice "You shouldn't give a
shit about what others think of you!"
Hope you enjoyed reading this post, its taken a while for me to finally write it and hey, there's another fear I have just got over. I might have a bubble bath now :)
Stay positive beauties and remember:
Please note: All images were sourced from Google.